Drift On Numbered Days
by missAmberly
Summary: After the war is over, the Gundam Pilots go their separate ways. Five years later, a threat brings them together once again: a threat that seem know them intimately, playing them easily against each other as they move through love and life, each trying to cope with the burdens of their pasts.
1. Chapter 1

**Notes: **This is a fic I've been working on for a long time. It's based on an RP that was done in 2012, between myself and three friends: Tina, Mako, and Kim. While I am responsible for the bad guy and all of his nefarious scheming, I am not the only person responsible for the development of these characters. This story is really a group effort; I just took the time to put it together to share. That being said! This is gonna be a long, bumpy ride. Warnings will be at the head of each chapter, but please be aware that this fic is going to be dark and there's gonna be a lot of dark shit.

Also: this is a multipairing fic. The pairings listed are the endgame, but it takes a while to get there. Featured in this fic are: 1x2, 2x3, 2x5, 1x5, 1x6, 1x2x5, 3x4, Unrequited Rx1, RxH, RxD, RxDxH.

Many, many thanks to Miss_Murdered for a wonderful beta.

**Warnings: **violence and references to verbal/emotional torture.

**Disclaimers: **I Do Not Own Gundam Wing

* * *

The safe house was a one room apartment in a dilapidated building on the outskirts of Sanc. It was in the middle of the slums and had a leaky faucet. When Duo was stretched out on the fold out couch, trying to sleep, he could hear rats scratching on the floor as they made their way towards the pile of pizza boxes. They were building up again. He was going to have to take them out later, once the sun was up and he wasn't lying there, staring up at the stained ceiling and pretending to sleep. Kicking off the covers he sat up and looked around. The place really was a dump, but at least it had four walls and a ceiling, and working plumbing, and it had plenty of places that delivered pizza. That was more than he could count on during the war.

Checking the clock above the stove, he realized it was almost time to go back out. His life was a collection of six hour shifts. Six hours spent in surveillance, watching the building his informant had pointed out, either from the bushes or a coffee shop or a diner, pretending to work on his novel and flirting with the young women at each establishment while typing diligently on his laptop. It wasn't really a novel, more like a running commentary on what he was doing, what he was seeing, and what was going on in his head. Duo slipped on his clothes, braiding his hair as he maneuvered his way around the pizza boxes and empty two liters. He was going to have to think about it later. Right now, he needed to focus on getting back out there and watching. The bugs had been a great idea and he had plenty of information stored on his laptop. He'd already sent most of it to Une in his most recent update.

His laptop chirped. Grinning, he bounced over to check his email, braid trailing behind him as he moved. He chuckled. Une, with her usual dry humor, had told him to go ahead and visit their new friends. Which meant it was time to blow things up. That was Duo's favorite time. It wasn't that he liked killing people, just that he liked the satisfaction of knowing he'd done a good job, had carried out his orders, and few things said a mission was over like an explosion. Reaching out for his bag, he pulled it on to the table and rummaged around. A quick count told him all he needed. He had more than enough explosives to finish the job. Une wanted no trace of the group left behind, which was going to be easy since there were only five of them. They'd managed most of their business by hiring people to do it for them, throwing money around like water and disappearing after the job was done. It wasn't a bad method of operation...but Duo was better, and he'd managed to find their trail on and follow them back to Sanc.

Whistling cheerily to himself, he began to empty the bag. He needed to travel light, to be able to sneak in and then out in a matter of minutes. Seconds would be even better. Then he could finish his report and take off to spend some time with his friends. It would be good to see them. Especially since one of them had been shot.

Duo was looking forward to being able to tell them that they wouldn't have to worry about this group anymore. There would be other groups, sure, but this one would be gone. Une was going to start a task force specifically dedicated to watching for threats against the pilots. He might even come on board for it, leave contract work behind. It would definitely be a change. He'd have to move to Sanc, but that would be okay. New York was getting boring.

Duo froze. Someone was in the hallway. His eyes darted back to the clock. It was the wrong time for someone to be in the hallway. His neighbors' lived like clockwork. Pulling his gun, he moved to stand next to the door. There was definitely someone out there. After a few minutes, they moved away. Footsteps made their way down the stairs. Duo did not relax. He began to pack. Someone being in the hallway at this time of day could mean they'd found him. Shooting a quick email to Une, he shoved the laptop in his backpack and left out the window, making his way silently down the fire escape and on to the next safe house. Duo knew he wasn't followed.

The room was identical to the last one. Only there were no pizza boxes. He needed to eat before he moved out. Time to change that. Ordering was risky. He preferred to show up and pay cash. But there was no time to go out. And at this time of night, it would look suspicious.

Pizza ordered, he began to take things back out of his bag, opening his laptop and checking his messages. Une had not yet responded, but that was to be expected. He didn't need her to babysit him. The pizza would be there soon. He'd eat, then go and blow the fuckers sky high, and probably be able to make an early flight to the colonies. Today was definitely looking good. The knock at the door was early, but Duo shrugged it off. Must be a slow night. Grinning, he opened the door. And stopped. Reached for his gun. Passed out, struggling against the cloth over his face and the hand gripping his shoulder. Fuck.

* * *

Duo had never been so grateful for silence in his life. It was dark and cold. Something somewhere was dripping, a steady pattern of water falling into water that reminded him to breathe slowly. It wasn't so bad here, really. It was better than...somewhere else. Duo wasn't sure where that somewhere else was yet, but he spent a lot of time trying not to think about it. He was sure he'd been in worse situations, even if it was hard to think of them now, while he was tied to a chair in a closet. The close space was comforting. It meant that they had decided to leave him alone. Meant they weren't talking to him, talking _at_ him, about how this was all his fault, and he didn't have to say anything, because they'd already found the other pilots.

Duo shifted. If they'd just give him some space he could get out of this. But his arms were pinned against his sides and his wrists were tied to the chair, and so were his ankles, and he was blindfolded and off balance. Being left in the dark meant they weren't talking to him, but it left him too much time to think, and even though he wanted to convince himself that what they were saying was wrong, was a lie, it sounded too much like the truth. They were all with Quatre and how did he know Heero hadn't left to come after him? Relena had promised, and Heero had promised, and he wanted to trust that they would keep those promises, but then they'd told him about the big windows, and Yume, and Duo didn't know what to believe.

He needed space. If he could just get them to pull him out of the closet, give him some room, he'd be able to wiggle his way free. Which was probably why he was in the closet in the first place. He never wanted to see another pizza again in his life. They'd put the bag down in the area of...whatever this place was. Warehouse? Factory? Whatever. The room the closet was attached to. If he could get to his bag, he could blow the whole place up and make his way...out. To Wufei's place. Even if Wufei wasn't there, it would be safe, with these fuckers gone, and then he could call them and they could all come home...except Heero. Who was dead. Fuck. Duo cringed, trying to get away from the though, from what they'd said about 'Ro showing up looking for him after they'd sent him a false email from his laptop. He didn't even know if they could hack in to his laptop, but if they had and they'd sent it, then 'Ro had come, and he had heard a gunshot the other day, and... It was his fault. They'd said it, but he hadn't believed it. He should never have suggested the guys get back in contact.

The door to the closet swung open. Duo sat, still, waiting. They'd busted his lip, and he'd have some bruises on his arms and chest, but they hadn't done anything else. Nothing but talk. They were all talk. There were three of them, two men and a woman, and he'd only seen their faces, once, before they realized how dangerous it was to have Shinigami aware of his surroundings. It was the man again, the one in charge, and he was saying something, going on about the war and how he should've died. He blocked it out. Willed the man shouting to take him out of the closet, to take off the blindfold, to do anything that would let him escape. He could blow this place up and get to Wufei's and call everyone, and tell them that there was no longer a threat and that, Heero. Heero was—dead. And it was his fault. For having a laptop with his email in it, because he'd just had to talk to Heero, hadn't he?

Duo felt himself being pulled forward. There were hands on his shoulders, someone shaking him and yelling, angry words that moved over him. He was out of the closet, and that gave him room to wiggle, finally, to try and start working free of the ropes they'd used to bind him. Ropes alone wouldn't keep Shinigami tamed. The smile was creeping over his face before he could stop it, and when Duo thought back on what had happened, he realized that smile, that Shinigami Grin, had saved his life. The man snatched his blindfold off, face twisted and purpled with rage, glaring at him and he was so close Duo could see the veins in his forehead.

"You shouldn't have done that," he growled, grinning wider as he head-butted the man.

It hurt, rattling his teeth, but it was enough for the man to step back, eyes closed, and it gave him the few extra seconds to get his arms free, to lunge forward and grab the man around the neck, snapping his neck silently. Duo felt around his leg. They hadn't removed any of his knives. Idiots. Cutting through the rest of the rope, he grabbed his bag. Everything was in it but his laptop. Which they'd taken. And used to. No. He couldn't think about it now. He needed to blow this place to sky high and leave, get to Wufei's, which was the closest, and try and call Quatre. They were all going to be pissed that he hadn't checked in.

He was weak. No food, little water, and two days of being tied to a chair and stuffed in a closet would have that effect. Setting up one explosive in the room he was in, he slowly made his way out of what looked like an office. The rest of the place was one big room, no way to hide, but there was a ladder leading to the roof outside the office, and he could climb that, make his way to the roof, then double around and place the rest of the explosives on the outside of the building. They hardly had any security; they were too paranoid for it. It was a good plan. And he had the explosives. Enough to blow the building without blowing the street, if he was careful, and then he could get to Wufei's. And call Quatre. And tell him that Heero was dead.

Dead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes: **Many, many thanks, as always, to Miss_Murdered for taking the time to beta this!

**Warnings:** No major warnings for this particular chapter! Lots of angst and Duo not coping well.

**Disclaimers:** I do not own Gundam Wing

* * *

Inside his apartment, Wufei's knees buckled. Duo was dead, and part of Wufei was still in Quatre's living room, he'd listened to Une use words like "black ops" and "no contact" while Quatre's Arabic turned sharp and angry. He still remembered the weight of Heero in his arms when she pronounced Duo dead on assignment, the living room mourning in five languages.

And now. Now a dead man was draped over Wufei's couch like a shroud. Swallowing, Wufei approached, eyes plastered to the couch. Duo's clothes were torn, his braid unravelled and Wufei could smell him already: sweat and explosives and the tinge of dead fear. The scent of someone held captive. Wufei rested his hand on Duo's shoulder, shaking gently.

Duo groaned, covering his blinking eyes. This close Wufei could see tiny cuts littering Duo's forearms, and the bruises on his face.

"Jeez, Fei, you install a sun or something?" Duo's voice was rough but alive, lower lip jutting into a pout. Wufei laughed, high and shrill, then knelt, wrapping his arms around Duo and hugging him tightly.

"Ow. I'm fine, Fei. Shit. Wufei!" Duo squirmed in his grasp. Choking on his laughter, Wufei pulled back. His jaw clenched.

"I just came back from your funeral. Une declared you dead."

Wufei's hands were on his shoulders. Duo paled. He was dead. They'd had a funeral. Wufei pulled away and took out his phone, watching Duo. He spoke in quick, rapid words but Duo wasn't listening. He stared at his hands and swallowed.

"Dead," Duo said and stood, arms tense and ending in clenched fists. He had to tell Wufei that Heero—Heero was—Duo couldn't think it.

"Duo?" Wufei stood next to him, hand resting on his arm. "The others are on their way."

"The others." Duo kept quiet and still. The others would be here. He could tell them all at once. Wufei led him back to the couch, pushing him down.

"Sit. You need food and tea." Wufei made his way in to the kitchen, watching Duo through the bar as he boiled water. The braided man stared at the wall, fingertips going to lips. Wufei brought the tray of tea and sandwiches to the living room, setting them on the coffee table.

They both jumped as the door banged open. Duo suddenly had his arms full of blond, Arabic sharp in his ears.

"Give him space, Quatre. He just came back from the dead," the Russian was on his right, easing a long, lean body down on Wufei's couch. Trowa caught Duo's eye and grinned, and Duo felt part of himself quicken, grinning back suddenly. Reaching out one long fingered hand, Trowa cupped his cheek.

"Brat," he whispered softly. Duo leaned in to the nickname. He was brother to Trowa, always. And then the hand was gone. Quatre slid on to the couch, wedging himself between them. Duo's grin cracked. He had to tell them. Now.

"Do you have to encourage him?" Wufei sat on the floor, back straight, face pleased and exasperated. Affectionate. Trowa tilted his head to the side, considering it.

"Yes," he said finally, lips set in a thoughtful line. There was a familiar grunt, and Duo froze, body aching with loss. He looked up and in to Heero's eyes. The Japanese man leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. He was smiling, an expression only Duo and Trowa recognized.

"Hey, partner," Heero's voice, the sharp, familiar staccato. Duo swallowed, unable to breathe. Quatre was too close. Wufei was still smiling, all relief and overwhelming gratitude. And Heero stood there without a bullet wound in his chest. His stomach twisted. Duo bolted for Wufei's bathroom.

He made it to his knees just in time, retching in to the porcelain. _There's nothing to come up_, he thought, vainly retching again. The bathroom was neat, with cool tile floors and light blue walls. Duo washed his mouth with water from the sink, then braced his arms on the sides.

"Duo?" Trowa shut the bathroom door quietly. The braided man was shaking, the muscles in his forearms bulging.

"They shot him," Duo panted, eyes shut. "He came after me. And they shot him. I heard it." Trowa's arms went around him, and Duo tucked himself instinctively in to that warmth.

"They lied, brat," Trowa soothed, pressing his nose against Duo's hair. The body against his trembled. This was familiar. Duo knew the body holding his own better than his mother's. He could remember dark nights in safe-houses with the whisper of Russian in his ear holding him to life. Duo quieted like a lion under Trowa's touch.

"They're worried, Duo," Trowa pulled away, eyes intent.

"You're not?" Duo shot back.

"I know you," Trowa tapped the side of his nose. "I know worrying is useless."

Duo gave in, laughing and bumping Trowa with his shoulder as they left the bathroom. He went to sit in the center of the couch, a hot cup of tea on his knee. The room was quiet enough to hear Huluobo, Wufei's rabbit, rustle in her cage.

"What happened?" Quatre's prodding was soft and gentle. Duo wanted to bite him. Running a hand along his braid, he tugged at the end.

"I deal with things the Preventer's can't be linked to. You already know that. The things I work all relate directly back to us." Duo took a sip of tea. "After...what happened with 'Ro, Une put me on alert. We both wanted you in Sanc, as Relena's bodyguard. We hoped it would neutralize the situation."

"That's why you pushed me to accept it," Heero cut in. Duo nodded, still unable to face his survival. The room felt cold and full of ghosts. Setting the tea on the table, Duo leaned back

"I left for Sanc the day you all left New York. Une wanted me ready."

"And then I was shot," Quatre was watching Duo with one hand on his bandaged shoulder. Trowa covered the hand with his own. Duo felt sick with joy for them and swallowed, nodding.

"We were able to link the events in San Francisco with your assassination attempts. Une had me unofficially on the case," he said, tea sitting heavy and sour in his stomach.

"How did they catch you?" Heero pushed away from the doorway. Suddenly, Duo felt tired and brittle. He stood. This wasn't the time. He couldn't talk about this now, here, with everyone else.

"I got careless. 'Fei, you got a spare room? I'm gonna crash." Duo ignored everyone. He needed to sleep. He needed to be alone with the memories of failure. Heero nodded to the others, overriding the objection on Quatre's lips.

"I'll take him," Heero said - his tone left no room for argument. Duo followed his new captor to the guest room. It was small, with a large window. Duo wondered if falling out of the window would feel like hearing Heero being shot again.

"Duo." Heero put his hand on Duo's arm. His touch burned through his skin. If Trowa was Duo's big brother, Heero was his twin. Heero had been his partner through the long nightmare of the war. Heero had been shot in a rundown Sanc warehouse because Duo let himself get caught.

"Is this because I kissed you?" Heero's hand tightened, voice barely audible. It caught Duo off guard. He jerked his head up, surprised to see Heero looking small, head down, shoulders hunched. He remembered the kiss: a brief press of lips and the taste of tequila. Duo met Heero's eyes immediately, frowning.

"What? No. I don't—I can't feel like that back, but it's not - " Duo didn't know how to explain. He saw the bloodstain on Heero's chest, over his heart, and reached out, resting his hand on it. Covering it. "They shot you."

"What?" Heero stood shocked still, eyes on Duo's face. Duo's eyes were on his chest, on the spot under Duo's hand. Slowly, Heero covered the hand with his own, moving it away. The shirt was clear.

"'Ro," Duo's voice cracked as he looked up.

"I'm not dead, partner," Heero took a step forward, hugging Duo quickly and tightly. "I don't care what those bastards told you."

"You didn't come after me?"

"Baka. I didn't even know where you were."

"'Ro," Duo swallowed, then nodded, pulling back and squaring his shoulders. Heero smiled.

"Will you be okay now, partner?"

"Yeah...I'm gonna get some sleep." Duo leaned his forehead briefly against Heero's and pulled back. His body ached. He wanted to sleep in a space that was too big for him. Heero left him stripping, shaking his head as he went out to join the others.

* * *

Duo sought Huluobo as soon as he woke the next morning. The rabbit nosed his chest, cooing softly. It made him chuckle. 'Bo seamed the least surprised by everything. He was nuzzling the soft fur of 'Bo's face when Wufei's bedroom door opened. He watched Duo cuddle his bunny and sighed.

"I still don't understand why you felt I needed a rabbit," Wufei sounded tired. His hair was loose, hanging down his back in a dark wave. It was almost as long as Duo's.

"Someone has to take care of you," Duo grinned, holding the tiny rabbit up and rubbing his cheek on her. "She's the perfect wife.

"She's not my wife," Wufei spoke through gritted teeth, body suddenly stiff. He turned sharply away from Duo, heading for the kitchen. He reminded himself that Duo didn't know. Wufei wasn't about to explain. It left Duo confused, holding 'Bo on his lap and watching Wufei pull his hair back.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Wufei looked at Duo over the bar.

Shrugging, Duo put the rabbit on the ground, ignoring her indignant grunt. The rabbit hopped her way to Wufei, settling at his feet. Duo kept his face blank, hiding a grin as Wufei bent to pick up his pet with a smile.

"Heero told us what happened," he said, his focus on stroking Huluobo's ears. Duo wasn't good with confrontation. None of them were, but Duo was the worst. Wufei had promised he wouldn't let Duo run.

"I figured he would," Duo replied and stood, padding silently to lean against the bar. He watched Wufei stroke the rabbit, smiling a little.

"Relena will want to talk to you." Wufei saw Duo react that time. There was a sharp intake of breath and a sudden flinch. Duo nodded running a hand down his braided. He needed to shower. To change. To ready himself to meet with the former 'Queen of the World'.

"Can I borrow some clothes?" Duo looked at Wufei through the fringe of his bangs. He and Wufei were almost the same size. He was taller, but Wufei was bulkier, more muscular. Wufei nodded, carrying 'Bo back to her cage.

"Of course. I can have them waiting in the guest room, if you would like to shower," Wufei grinned at him suddenly. "Please shower, Maxwell." Duo responded by flicking him off, already heading down the hall.

"Maxwell! There is a lady present!" Wufei's voice followed him, tinged with mock outrage. Duo shut the bathroom door with a chuckle. He appreciated Wufei's humor. It was normal. Like nothing had happened. Like Duo hadn't been caught, and Heero hadn't died-but-not-died.

Relena was waiting when he came out, Wufei's faded jeans loose but too short. The sweatshirt fit. He needed to go shopping, but right now, Wufei and Relena were sitting on the couch, pointedly ignoring each other. Duo shoved his hands in his pocked, then whistled, causing them both to jerk their heads around.

"Damn, Princess. You didn't have to get all dressed up for me," Duo winked at her. Relena's lower lip trembled. She stood, hair coiffed, make up flawless, and marched around Wufei's coffee table to jab Duo in the chest with one perfectly manicured finger.

"You. Are. An. Ass," Relena's voice wavered, the blue steel of her gaze bending. "I hate you."

"I'm crushed," Duo covered his chest with his hand, grinning. Relena laughed, then crumpled, and Duo pulled her against his chest, cupping the back of her head with his hand.

"Hey. I'm okay, 'Lena. I promise," he soothed and he rubbed his cheek against the top of her head. Taking a great shuddering breath, Relena stepped back, pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"You promised you'd be okay," she accused, glaring up at him. Duo winced.

"I am. See? Totally fine," he stepped back, spreading his arms wide and turning slowly. Clothed, the only wounds visible were a black eye and a busted lip. Relena ran a finger over the edge of a bruise.

"Do not do it again," it was an order, spilling perfectly from her lips and tinged with French. Here was the Relena he knew: strong and fierce and ordering the impossible, expecting to receive it. Duo kissed the top of her nose. It wasn't a promise he could make. They were his family, his pack. He would happily die to keep them safe. Rolling her eyes, Relena stepped back.

"Fine. But next time, I'm going to come after you," she tapped his chest again, then headed for the hall. Duo eyed her stilettos with a grin.

"Sure thing, Princess. But you should wear different heels," Duo called after, grinning. He sat on the couch next to Wufei. The Chinese man watched him, dark eyes speculative. Duo snorted and shook his head.

"Oh no. Don't give me that look. She's sweet. And lovely. And way too high maintenance for me."

Duo stretched back, arms going over his head. Wufei's living room was calming, done in blues and greys. The back of the couch was lined in bookshelves, creating an area for a desk. More bookshelves were along the back wall, reaching floor to ceiling. It looked exactly how Duo expected Wufei's apartment to look. Eventually, he would need his own. But for now, Duo was content to share space with Wufei.

* * *

Duo woke covered in sweat, hair sticking to his skin. He stared at the blank space of a closet and shook. Wrapping his arms around himself, Duo settled. He was safe. Wufei's guest room was dim and warm around him. He could see lights from the city behind the blinds. It had been two weeks since he'd come home to find Heero alive and the rest of his family safe. And he'd had nightmares every night.

His skin felt too tight, stretching over his muscles and bones. Duo constricted, going down on his knees to take short, shuddering breaths. Fighting against the weight of the dream, he pushed blue eyes and gunshot wounds away. He needed out. A heavy bass or rough sex or something, anything that could pull him out of himself and push away the sound of failure. Of another death of someone he loved.

The door opened silently, Duo's feet bare as he moved in to the hall. The balcony was high and open, and he still had a pack of cigarettes tucked between the cushions of the outside couch. A smoke, and then if he needed it, he could sneak out and find a club and a willing body and the hot heat of hands to make him forget.

Duo froze in the living room. Wufei was on the couch, chin in his hand and fast asleep. There was a book on his lap, legs curled next to him, and Duo's breath stuttered in his throat at the broad expanse of golden chest. His mouth felt dry.

It was wrong. Wufei was like his brother, was almost as close as Heero. Duo could still taste the flare of Heero's kiss. But Heero wasn't safe. Heero cared, would want to protect, to twine their bodies around a partnership Duo didn't deserve. Wasn't ready for. He took the book out of Wufei's lap with trembling hands and set it on the table. Wufei spoke sleepily, Mandarin, confused and faint as onyx eyes opened to see Duo leaning in, to feel his hands sliding into his hair, and then their mouths connected.

Wufei felt the kiss through the haze of sleep. Duo's lips were soft against his own, brushing firmly. He could feel Duo's hair sliding down to rest on his arms and shoulders, and Wufei felt it like electricity. Pulling Wufei's lower lip in to his mouth, Duo sucked, then dragged his teeth over it. Wufei tasted hot, like green tea and honey, and he made one small, soft noise before Wufei pushed him back violently. He landed on the other side of the coffee table, panting and flushed.

"What the fuck, Maxwell?" Wufei growled. He stood, cheeks red, brows drawn in anger. Duo just stared, his eyes glued to Wufei's mouth, to where he'd felt Wufei's lips press back against his own.

"I—I'm," he said but he wasn't sorry. He needed to explain. Duo didn't know how to ask for Wufei's body as comfort, a way to remind himself that he was still alive. He wasn't sure it was fair to ask.

"Do not touch me again."

Wufei opened his bedroom door, scowling over his shoulder at him.

"No, Wu, please," Duo reached out, sprawled on the floor, eyes wide and desperate. Wufei paused, raising one elegant black eyebrow. He crossed his arms over his chest and resisted the urge to lick the taste of Duo off of his lips. "Wu" was new, a nickname he'd never heard before. It filled him with something inexplicable.

"I don't—please don't leave me alone," Duo pleaded and with his hair down, his hair spilling over his back and shoulders, Duo looked small and vulnerable. He looked like a child. Wufei remembered watching Trowa pick him up from the couch, after missions, when Duo had fallen asleep. The Russian carried him cradled against his chest, moving him to bed with a soft, affectionate smile. Wufei sighed. He was not Trowa. Or Heero. He did not share his space, and he dealt with nightmares by losing himself in the printed word. Duo needed a physical presence. Slowly, Wufei opened the door to his bedroom wider.

"Come on, Duo," he sighed, resigned to a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes:** I don't expect that update will continue to be as fast as they've been. Right now I'm trying to update all of my fics at least once a month, so expect updates at about that speed, although they're sure to pick up once a few of my other projects are done. This fic is my baby, so I'm a bit more focused on it. Again we're thanking Miss_Murdered for an amazing beta job.

**Warnings: **This chapter does feature smut, and it is a little explicit. Duo has the worst coping skills.

* * *

Duo woke alone, wrapped in Wufei's blanket. There was a note on the nightstand, a few terse words informing him that Wufei had gone to work. It was Thursday, and Duo was alive and lying in his friend's bed, remembering the cold, hollow sound of Heero's death. It wasn't the first time Duo had experienced Heero's death. He shuddered, wondering how many more times there would be.

He slid out of bed feeling heavy. There were reports he had to write, calls he needed to make. Howie was shipping his stuff from New York to Sanc, but he still didn't have an apartment. And after last night, he didn't think Wufei would let him stay. Not longer than necessary. Kissing Wufei had been a mistake, and now it tasted like sour milk. Swallowing, he dressed, heading towards the door of the apartment. He needed to talk to someone.

* * *

"Duo?" Heero sounded tired.

Duo turned, smiling a little, hands buried deep in his pockets. Heero's hair was sticking up in the back, cheeks flushed with sleep. He looked very much alive, and Duo's hands relaxed in his pockets.

"Almost gave up on you," Duo teased, not quite meeting his eyes. He had given up. One gunshot and Duo had thought of Heero in past tense.

"Come in," Heero said and opened the door wider.

Ducking his head, Duo slipped in, looking around the room. Heero lived in the palace, sleeping down the hall from Relena, but the room was modern and sparse. Very Heero.

"I'm glad you didn't," Heero continued and shut the door. He watched Duo warily, unsure of what to expect. His partner was volatile under normal circumstances and coming back from the dead was hardly normal. They both stood in a roomful of ghosts.

"Why did you kiss me?"

Duo's hands were wrapped around the bottom of his braid, tugging the length of hair. Duo could still taste it. Tequila would always remind him of the feel of Heero's tongue against his own, the feeling of their chests pressed together. Heero had kissed him and left the bar, and Duo spent two days wondering if his lips drew death the way his heart did.

Heero was saying his name, eyebrows drawn together, and he looked up in surprise, wetting his lips.

"Duo?" It was the fifth time he'd said it.

"Sorry, 'Ro. I'm just… " Duo paused. _Just what_, he thought. _Still seeing you dead? _Heero hesitated, then reached out, bringing Duo to rest against his chest. This was not his domain. Duo usually went to Trowa for comfort, and Trowa, knowing how Heero felt, encouraged it. Duo clung to him, face against his chest, inhaling Heero's scent.

"Having a hard time coping?" Heero murmured in to his hair.

Duo nodded. Heero had feelings, and Duo didn't, couldn't, but he wondered if it would be so wrong to ask for Heero's warmth. To have Heero's body anchor him.

"It feels...weird," he whispered, shuddering at the hands on his back. Heero felt himself respond to the body in his arms, the scent of Duo overwhelming him. Hand on the braided man's arm, he led him to the couch. Duo settled easily on his lap, head resting on Heero's shoulder.

"Trowa was out?" Heero's hand was cupping the back of his head, arms firmly around his waist. Duo laughed weakly, head coming up. He looked amused and strained all at once.

"He was, uh. Busy. Lapful of blond," Duo grinned. It was all teeth.

Heero was a second, better choice. Heero was not dead and running his hands down his braid in a motion that soothed Duo and sent tingles up his spine. Trowa and Quatre were together, now, and while Heero was happy, he felt part of himself clench away from the knowledge that Trowa was getting what he wanted and he was not. That he had something in his arms that wasn't his—that hadn't even been looking for him.

"Let me make some tea?" Heero's lips brushed Duo's ear.

Tea sounded nice, but tea meant moving. Tea meant Heero would leave the room. He fisted his hands in Heero's shirt and shook his head.

"I don't think I can handle you being out of my sight right now," Duo said and he didn't know how to see Heero without a bullet wound. If Heero stepped away, he might bleed out. A rough hand cupped his cheek, soft lips pressing to the corner of his mouth.

"I'm not dead. I won't leave you, Duo," Heero murmured, resting their foreheads together. Leaning in to the hand on his cheek, Duo licked his lips. He tasted tequila, even though he knew Heero hadn't been drinking.

"'Ro," Duo paused and shivered. "I know."

"Sometimes I don't think you do," Heero whispered. He didn't give Duo time to think, covering his mouth with his own and sliding his fingers into the base of his braid. Duo stiffened against the kiss, then slowly pressed back, lips moving against Heero's. When Heero pulled away, Duo followed, eyes shut, lips parted. Heero's breath hitched at the sight, and he kissed Duo again, tongue teasing over his lower lip, then dipping in to his mouth.

"'Ro," Duo panted, hands paused at the bottom of Heero's shirt. Heero's nose bumped against his, their breaths mingling.

"Yeah?" Heero had one hand on Duo's hip, the other buried in his hair. He didn't want to hear "No." He didn't want to stop.

"I can't—" Duo paused, wetting his lips, feeling Heero tense under his hands. "I can't give you more than this."

"I know," Heero shuddered and surged forward, sucking the braided man's lower lip in to his mouth. If this was his only chance with Duo, to feel Duo against him and around him, he was going to make the most of it. If this was the only way to soothe whatever was making Duo hurt, was making him shake like wire in the wind, he would do. For Duo. _And for yourself_, Heero thought.

Duo pulled Heero with him as he fell back against the couch. Heero's hands burned across his skin, his lips running over his jaw. He needed this, needed to feel the thrum of Heero's life against his lips.

They were naked in minutes, Heero's thigh sliding between Duo's and grinding up. Running his hands down Duo's sides, Heero groaned, mouth mapping the skin under his jaw, down his neck, over his collarbone. Duo tangled his hands through his hair, bucking up against the hard heat of Heero's skin.

"Fuck," Duo tugged at the thick hair under his fingers, pulling Heero's head up and fusing their mouths together, desperate for the taste of his tongue.

Their lips met, clung, and parted, Heero's fingers stroking the skin of Duo's stomach. He was panting, mouth open, arching into Heero's touch and moaning wildly. The Japanese man ran a thumb over Duo's lower lip, tugging it down gently before covering Duo's mouth with his own, again, addicted to the taste of him. This was the worst idea, but Heero couldn't stop. Heero needed to anchor Duo with himself.

A leg slid around his waist, bringing their erections in to contact, and Heero moaned, grinding down against his partner's willing body. Duo tightened his leg, bracing his other foot against the couch and arching up, flipping them so he could straddle Heero's hips. His grin was impish, tendrils of hair sticking to his sweaty skin as he rolled his hips against Heero's.

"Surprise," he teased, voice husky with want and Heero laughed, heart clenching painfully in his chest. It was too good, and Heero never got anything good, not this good.

Sitting up, he flicked his tongue out at Duo's nipple, drawing it in to his mouth and sucking. He felt Duo cry out, the sound reverberating in his chest, and tugged gently with his teeth, the sound growing louder. Wrapping one hand around Duo's cock, he pumped slowly, teasingly, mouthing down his stomach, pushing him back against the couch again, smirking at the sharp buck of Duo's hips.

"Let me suck your cock," Heero dipped his tongue in to Duo's navel. Tugging on his hair, Duo writhed, splaying his legs open and arching up with need. Heero was driving him crazy, his mouth moving over his hip, fingers teasing down his thighs. He felt hot and alive, hands tight in Heero's hair.

"Please," Duo panted, spreading his legs wider as Heero settled between them, tightening his grip and leaning in to run his tongue over the head of his cock. There were slick fingers teasing along his crack and a mouth swallowing his cock, and Heero was very, very much alive as he pushed a finger into him. Crying out, Duo thrust against the fingers, moving his hips against the slow rhythm of Heero's hand.

Heero removed his fingers from Duo with a pang of regret, lubing himself and watching the way Duo's hips bucked, still. Duo was watching him through drooping eyelids, his stomach clenching as Heero's hand slide over his cock. Biting his lip, he reached out, resting his hand on Heero's hip and tugging gently, legs spreading open wider.

"Come on, 'Ro. Let me feel you," he tugged harder, panting and watching as Heero lined himself up.

Then it was pressure, and the pleasure/pain of Heero's entry. Moaning, he let his head fall back against the couch, linking his ankles behind Heero's back. The moved against each other slowly, Duo's hands clutching Heero's biceps, Heero's mouth at his neck. Duo felt himself lifted up, on to Heero's lap, the angle of penetration going deeper, and he cried out, moving back in earnest.

They rode each other hard and slow, hands restless over heated skin. Duo tugged Heero's mouth to his own, kissing him and swallowing the soft, grunting moans he made. He could feel Heero's body moving against his own, slick with sweat and not blood. There was nothing dead in the room, nothing dead about the way Heero's hips were twisting against him, his hand moving against his cock. Duo came with a sudden shudder and a shout, his body tensing. Heero came with his mouth against Duo's neck, moaning his name and clutching at his thighs.

"God, Heero," Duo panted, licking at his ear. Turning his head, Heero kissed him, tugging gently on the long length of hair. It was still bound, and it tugged at Heero's heart that he hadn't been able to see it down, to run his hands through the loose mane of hair. Duo pressed his mouth to Heero's jaw, sliding his arms tightly around his neck.

"Are you okay?" Heero stroked his back, smiling at the way Duo tucked himself under his chin. Duo's ear was against his chest, his eyes drifting shut as he listened to the steady sound of Heero's heartbeat. He nodded, rubbing his cheek against the soft skin. Heero was whole. Heero was alive and warm to the touch. The hands on his skin stilled as Heero wrapped both arms around him.

"Good. Go to sleep, Duo," Heero murmured, his own eyes drifting closed. Duo fit almost perfectly beneath his chin, and Heero wanted him to stay there longer than he needed. The braided man in his arms hummed, succumbing to sleep even as Heero did, reassured by the heartbeat under his ear. The couch was cramped, Duo draped over his chest like blanket, but Heero slept soundly, uncaring of the wet spot beneath them.

* * *

Heero was alone when he woke. Duo's clothing was gone. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and trying to ignore the ache in his chest. It didn't surprise him - this was how he'd known it would happen. Even in the aftermath, with Duo clinging to his chest, Heero had known he'd wake alone, even with Duo comforted by the knowledge of his existence. Standing, he made his way to the bathroom. He'd call, later, and make sure Duo was home safe. Make sure Duo knew he wasn't upset, or angry. Heero knew Duo would be worried about leading him on. He'd have to remind his partner that he had no expectations. Duo was his friend, his best friend. And even if that was all he ever was, Heero was content with that. And he would do anything, would fuck Duo any time, as much as he needed, if that was what it would take to make the ghosts behind Duo's eyes fade.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes:** Again we're thanking Miss_Murdered for an amazing beta job. Not too much to say about this one.

**Warnings: **This chapter does feature smut, and it is a little explicit. Duo has the worst coping skills.

* * *

Duo sat on the balcony, legs dangling over the side. He swung them as he smoked, leaning forward to look down seventeen stories. Below him, the city was cold and gleaming in the spring sun. It was rush hour, the dim sounds of horns barely audible at this distance. Taking a final drag off the blunt, he flicked it off the balcony, watching it fall and wondering what it would be like to follow.

He felt more than heard the door to Wufei's apartment open. Wufei moved quietly through the hall, taking off his shoes and setting down his briefcase. He stood at the sliding glass door, watching Duo swing his legs. Wufei slid the door open, shutting it behind himself with a "snick."

"Aren't you cold?" Wufei stood next to Duo, muscles stuff. He wasn't used to this Duo. This Duo was quiet, and cold, and spent his days hidden away in Wufei's guest room. They hadn't discussed the kiss. Wufei didn't think they had to.

"No," Duo responded. He slid his legs back through the bars, standing to face Wufei. This close, Wufei could smell him. There was the faint tang of pot, mixing with the scent of something Wufei almost recognized. He frowned, eyeing Duo slowly. The man was wearing a tee shirt, a pair of boxers, and nothing else. In the middle of February. Outside. Wufei sighed heavily. This was more like the Duo he knew, and he wasn't sure if he should be pleased or exasperated.

"Get inside, Maxwell. Before you get a cold," Wufei growled, rolling his eyes as Duo glared and pushed past him.

"You can kiss me, but you can't say my name?" Duo mocked, stepping in to the warmth of the apartment. Behind him, Wufei stiffened. Duo didn't realize he'd moved in to the apartment until his bedroom door slammed shut.

"Shit," Duo murmured, running his hands over his face. He was still too tense, even with the feeling of Heero's heartbeat echoing through his ears. Wufei was muttering loudly in his bedroom, in Mandarin, and Duo stood by the door, biting his lips. Wufei didn't deserve this. Not from him, not now after everything he'd done. Raising his hand, he knocked tentatively at Wufei's door, other hand rubbing the back of his neck.

Wufei stiffened at the knock, then growled. He resented Duo. The easy way he'd slipped into his life, through his defenses. The way he'd kissed him - like it meant nothing. And it did, to Duo. But Wufei didn't know how to kiss like that, just touching lips and holding himself back.

"Wufei," Duo tried again, softer. Wufei stared at the door, jaw clenching and unclenching. He balled his fists, then exhaled explosively.

"Wufei, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

Wufei jerked the door open with a snarl. "You never mean," he growled, "you never mean anything. I don't know how to-not mean things."

Duo was staring at him in shock, eyebrows disappearing under the fringe of his bangs. Wufei ran a hand over his face, shoulders slumping as the anger disappeared.

"I can't kiss you and have it mean nothing, Duo. I'm not built that way. I'm happy to-to comfort you. But not like that," Wufei fought back his flush, eyes glued to the carpet. He needed this to be clear, for Duo to know that he was here, but not available. Not like that.

"I'm sorry," Duo whispered. His head was ducked, hands shoved into his pockets. Wufei felt a pang, a bruise under his ribs as he looked at him. It would be easy to offer Duo exactly what he was looking for: a physical way to forget. And he couldn't do it.

"You didn't know," he kept his voice cool, pushing past Duo and heading for the kitchen. "What would you like for dinner?"

Duo watched him, gnawing on his lower lip. He wasn't surprised by the sudden shift in conversation. Wufei had said everything he was going to say, and now he needed to move. To keep busy. Duo understood that, even if he didn't understand everything else. He followed Wufei, sliding in to the chair at the bar and looking in to the kitchen.

"Whatcha got?" Duo swung his legs, resting his chin in his hands as Wufei opened the fridge. He hummed a little, then straightened, looking over his shoulder at Duo.

"Vegetables, fruit. Noodles and rice, of course. I have some chicken thawing," Wufei shrugged. He kept a well-stocked pantry.

"Chicken stir-fry?" Duo suggested, feet stilling. With a nod, Wufei began pulling things out of his fridge. Duo watched him, grateful to have something to focus on. They were quiet as Wufei cooked, peace temporarily restored amidst the smell of garlic and the sound of popping oil.

* * *

"You come here often?"

Relena jumped, then sighed in exasperation, rolling her eyes. Duo was leaning easily against the wall of the stable, toe crushing a-something. Relena didn't want to know what it was. It smelled illegal. Instead, she pursed her lips, head tilting as she looked him over.

"You need a cowboy hat. And boots," Relena said and it was decisive. She strode towards him purposefully, then poked him in the chest.

"And I need a hug." Duo laughed, wrapping both arms around her shoulders and squeezing her tightly. Squeaking, she squeezed back, pressing her face against his chest and inhaling deeply. Definitely smelled illegal. It was a decidedly Duo smell. Relena leaned back and smiled up at him, snaking one hand up to push a lock of hair behind his ear.

"Heero's settling in well," she pulled away fully, heading for one of the stalls. Slipping her hand in to her pocket, she pulled out a cube of sugar, snickering softly. Duo watched as one of the horses appeared, taking the offered cube and bumping Relena with her nose.

"Good," Duo said as he made his way over warily, eyeing the horse.

He'd met Relena's horses before, and they were all slobbering monsters. Except for Peche. Peche was old and placid, and Duo made his way to her stall carefully, staying out of reach of the others. Especially Fraise, who liked to bite.

"Bonjour, mademoiselle," Relena murmured, stroking Etoile's neck. The horse huffed in response.

"Peche?" Duo inquired, standing at the door of the stall. Peche made her way over slowly, leaning over the door to lip at the front of his shirt, and Duo laughed, patting her neck.

"She missed you," Relena was next to him, smiling and reaching out to pet as well. There was an angry huff from the stall between as Fraise stuck his head out. They both ignored him.

"I missed her," Duo smiled back, voice soft. He'd learned to ride on Peche. Relena had taught him, one month during the war when they'd been stuck together. He wasn't a good rider, but Peche was a good horse, and she didn't seem to care. Relena had moved, bickering softly with Fraise in French, keeping just out of reach. Peche nudged his chest, huffing at him, and Duo resumed his petting, laughing softly.

"Would you like to go for a ride?" Relena looked over, wincing a little as Fraise finally managed to reach her, tugging at a lock of her hair.

"You gonna take that monster?" Duo asked raising his eyebrow at Fraise.

. Laughing, Relena shook her head. "No. He doesn't get to ride today. He's bitey," Relena said and gave the horse a scolding look.

Duo's lips twitched. Stepping away from the stall, Relena made her way to the intercom on the wall. She could saddle the horses herself. But it would take longer, and Duo was shifting from one leg to the other already, hands moving restlessly over Peche's coat.

The stable hands were there in a heartbeat. Duo stood next to her as the horses were readied, his hands in his pockets. Reaching in to her own pocket, Relena pulled out several crumbly sugar cubes. Wordlessly, Duo accepted them, smiling.

"Can't disappoint Peche. She'll be looking for them," Relena grinned, dusting her hand off on the soft lavender silk of her shirt. Duo chuckled, shoving the cubes in his pocket and winking at her.

"You know how I hate to disappoint a lady," he teased.

"Really? Well then, monsieur. We need to talk," she pursed her lips again, giving him a look. The look broke on the edge of Duo's laughter, shattering into a grin.

Heero entered the barn just as the horses were ready, brow creased. He softened as he saw Duo. The braided man waved, then quietly lead Peche out of the barn. Crossing to Relena, Heero put a hand on her arm, leaning in to her ear.

"There's a phone call from France. Your mother," he said, almost mechanically. Relena stiffened, then sighed. She loved her mother. Very much. But she had very specific ideas of what a lady her age should be doing. And politics was not among them. Most of their conversations ended with one-or both of them-frustrated. But it was her mother, and she didn't call often. Squaring her shoulders, Relena nodded.

"Fine. Will you ride with Duo?" Relena knew he would. She handed him the reigns, heading outside to explain the change in plans. Heero watched her leave, pensively stroking Etoile's neck. Duo had come to the palace-but not to him. He didn't know what it meant. Or if it meant anything. Tightening his hand around the reigns, he lead Etoile outside, keeping his face carefully blank.

"I can catch up after the call," Relena offered. Duo shrugged.

"Don't worry about it. I'll pounce on you when we're back," he flashed her a quick grin, already settled atop Peche. Relena grinned back.

"I'm sure you will. Take care of Heero for me," she patted Duo's leg, then turned towards the house, nudging Heero with her elbow as she passed. He smiled at her, then hauled himself on to Etoile, nudging her forward. Settling next to Duo, he waited for direction.

"Ready, Ro?" Duo tilted his head, eyes warm and violet. Heero couldn't help smiling, tension leaving his body as Duo set Peche in motion, following close behind.

They ambled towards the beach, the sun warm on their shoulders, reflecting off of the snow banked to the sides of the trail. The sky was cloudless, vaulting blue above them. Duo was silent, smiling and staring out at the world like a man who'd never seen death. It should've been a warning. Heero ignored it, content to follow him on to the beach, snow crunching under the horses' hooves.

"She's gotten tactile," Duo commented, slowing his horse to ride next to Heero. The Japanese man grunted, then grinned.

"You have that effect on people," his voice was whisper soft, but warm. Duo wondered how many people would recognize the warmth in Heero's voice. Most people shied away from Heero, nervous and tense in his presence. Duo knew better. They all knew better. But Heero guarded his warmth.

"At least I have an effect," Duo sniffed.

Heero didn't catch the joke. Duo didn't expect him to, and they slid back into companionable silence, the wind biting in to their clothes as it skated in off the water. The braided man shivered. Heero narrowed his eyes, looking at Duo closely. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and jeans, tucked in to boots. A light jacket. And the shirt was much thinner than it looked. Heero frowned, pulling Etoile to a stop.

"Duo."

He said just the one word, eyes blue and narrowed as he looked his companion over. Duo stopped, turning in his saddle to look back at him, then sighed. Heero was already pulling off his own jacket, jaw tight, eyes focused sharply on him. Duo crossed his arms over his chest.

"No. Ro, I'm fine. I'm not cold," he protested.

"You will get sick," Heero held the jacket out.

"I'm fine," Duo grit his teeth together, wind teasing tendrils of hair loose from its braid.

"Duo. Take the damn jacket," Heero nudged Etoile forward, bringing her even with Peche and holding the jacket out, within reach of Duo's hands. He didn't take it. Instead, he glared, then gripped Peche's reigns, kicking her in to motion and taking down the beach. Cursing, Heero followed, jacket draped over his lap.

He caught up to Duo easily. He was a better horseman, had more experience, and he wrested Peche's reigns from Duo's hands with a low growl, eyes dark and sparking with anger.

"Baka. Do you want to die?" Heero shot, angry, voice low.

Duo stiffened, turning away from him and looking out over the ocean with his arms around his stomach. Swallowing, Heero leaned forward, putting a hand on the back of Duo's arm. The braided man jumped, but didn't pull away. Slowly, Heero turned him, hand tight on his arm. Gentle. Pulling Duo against his chest, he hugged him, pressing his nose to the hair behind his ear.

"Baka," it was softer this time, affectionate, Heero's arms warm and safe and keeping the wind from tearing through the thin fabric of Duo's clothes. Biting his lip, Duo kept himself stiff, ramrod straight in the circle of Heero's arms. It would be too easy to accept Heero's comfort. To fall in to him and lose himself in cobalt eyes and calloused hands. Duo hated himself for wanting to.

"I'm okay, Ro," Duo pulled back, giving him a strained smile. Heero's hand touched his cheek.

"No you're not," he sighed. Duo leaned in to the hand, eyes shut tightly. He shuddered, licking his lips, aware of Heero's eyes and the naked heat of his gaze. The hand on his cheek pulled away slowly, fingers grazing the skin. It chilled him like a closet, like gunshots in the dark.

"Let's go back," Duo whispered, opening his eyes to find Heero looking steadily at him. The Japanese man nodded, and they turned their horses, heading back in silence that swelled.

* * *

Duo was shivering violently by the time they made it back to stables, jaw clenched. His face was set, eyes hard. Heero swung off Etoile and reached up, holding his hand for Duo. He took it without thinking and found himself pulled against Heero's chest, arms tight around him, jacket over his shoulders. Shivering, he glared. Heero seemed unphased, hands stroking his back briskly.

"Don't look at me like that," Heero's voice was placid.

Duo pouted, then sighed, giving in and pressing his face against Heero's shoulder. Heero was tall. Not as tall as Trowa, but still a good four inches taller than Duo, and he felt safe in the circle of his arms. After a few minutes, he pulled away.

"Let's get the horses inside," Duo said and took Peche's reigns, tugging her gently into the stable and towards her stall. They worked quickly, unsaddling the the horses in the quiet shadows of the barn.

Heero had just finished, shutting the stall door and wiping his brow. Duo didn't make a decision. He didn't think about it. Simply moved forward and put his hands on Heero's hips, mouths connecting as he pressed him back against the door of the stall. Heero made a soft, surprised noise, and Duo swallowed it, licking his mouth and pressing tight against him.

Heat flared through him. Heero's hands slid in to his hair, cradling his skull as his tongue surged into his mouth. Duo moaned, pliant and eager as Heero pressed him forward. They broke with a pant, standing in the stable with Duo's hands in the back of Heero's shirt. Duo didn't want to hate himself for this, didn't want Heero to hate him, for this. But Wufei was out of the question, and Heero he trusted. He knew.

"I've never had sex in a stable," Duo breathed, lips brushing Heero's. Heero's hands slid down his neck, down his sides, wrapping around his thighs and hoisting him up. Duo tightened his legs around his hips, tugging at Heero's shirt as he walked then backwards.

"Stop that. I'll drop you," Heero murmured, lips teasing over Duo's jaw.

"You'd never drop me," Duo panted, tilting his head back as Heero set him down. He paused, then grinned. "Hay?"

"If we're going to do this, we're going to do this right," Heero grinned, cheeks pinking. He pressed Duo down against the hay, kissing him and sliding his thigh between his. Duo laughed in to this kiss, pushing Heero's shirt and pulling back to tug it over his head.

"Didn't know you were so big on tradition," he teased, breathless as Heero's lips found his pulse, fluttering over the skin.

"I'm big on you," the Japanese admitted, voice husky against Duo's skin, and Duo was lost, tugging Heero up and kissing him desperately, sliding his free hand in to the front of his pants. Groaning, Heero bucked into his hand, eyes dark and heavy with arousal.

They were frenzied, moving against each other with abandoned, hands stroking skin, mouths leaving marks. There was no lube, so Heero wrapped his hand around their cocks, stroking them together. Duo slid his hand down, stroking and bucking against him, mouth open in an endless moan. Heero came first, Duo's name curled on his tongue, and Duo followed with a sharp gasp, spilling into their hands with abandon.

"Fuck," Duo panted, lying back against the hay, straw stuck in his hair. Heero's face was tucked against his neck, body slumped against his, and Duo felt a twist of guilt. Heero loved him. And Duo was just using him. Was losing himself in the hard planes of Heero's body to forget that he was death, coated in poison. A rough hand cupped his cheek, Heero's forehead pressing against his.

"Don't," Duo pushed him back, biting his lip. "Ro, don't."

It was sweet, and intimate. A simple touch, and too much for him. Heero took a deep breath, but nodded, pulling away from him.

"Okay," he agreed, helping Duo up, using his discarded shirt to clean them. Duo wouldn't meet his eyes. He didn't know how to soothe him, how to remind Duo that he knew exactly what this was. Because he didn't want Duo to stop. Heero smiled crookedly, reaching to tug a piece of hair out of Duo's hair.

"It can mean whatever you want it to mean, Duo," he offered, voice wavering. "I-you know how I feel. I know you don't feel the same. But...I can be okay with this."

"You shouldn't have to be," Duo whispered, eyes sliding shut. The braided man sighed, then shook his head. "You shouldn't have to be okay with this."

"It's my choice," Heero stated, softly, tugging on his jacket. He made his way to the door slowly, aware of Duo's growing distance. Pausing at the door, he looked back at him. Duo stood with his hands in his pockets, head bowed. There was still a flush on his cheeks, still straw in his hair, and Heero felt the ache in his chest tighten.

"I wouldn't offer if it wasn't okay," he didn't wait for a reply, shutting the door and leaving Duo standing forlornly in the barn, eyes clenched against the sight of Heero's rumpled shirt, and hooded eyes. Duo licked the taste of Heero off his lips and followed. He still needed to talk to Relena.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes:** No real notes this time, either. This chapter fills in some backstory and has a lot of dialogue. Next chapter sees Duo meeting with Une. That one ought to be fun! I recently lost my job, so I have a lot more time to write. That's good because I should be updating faster. Unfortunately, having more time to write doesn't give me more inspiration for Fall Off the Earth-that fic just isn't coming the way I want it to. Which is why you're getting an update to this, instead.

**Warnings: **None, really.

* * *

Relena's suite was on the same floor as Heero's, at the end of the hall in the corner of the third floor of the palace. Duo made his way slowly, ignoring the looks from her security personnel. They knew who he was. And they knew better than to get in his way. It was one of the benefits of being an ex-terrorist.

He rapped at the door of the suite and waited. It was quiet. Sighing, Duo pushed the door open, unsurprised to find an empty suite waiting for him. Relena was probably still on the phone. Hands in his pockets, he moved towards the window. It was sunset, the sky red and gold and cloudless.

"Oh, hello," Relena stood in the doorway, wearing a dark blue silk robe and toweling her hair. Duo jumped, then grinned ruefully at her, shaking his head.

"You're gonna ruin my reputation," he teased, sliding his hands out of his pockets.

"Well. Mustn't have that," She dimpled, lips quirking. "Come in while I get dressed." She disappeared back in to the bedroom, and Duo followed, shaking his head. The towel was on the floor, along with the robe, Relena already pulling on a pair of yoga pants. Duo watched speculatively as she opened a drawer, tugging on a light pink teeshirt.

"You seeing anyone, princess?" Duo leaned his hip against her dresser. Arching an eyebrow, Relena gathered her hair in to a loose ponytail, looking him over.

"I hope that's not you asking me out," she faced him, crossing her arms over her chest. Duo choked, then laughed, running his hand over his face to hide his flush.

"Ah-no. Thanks, but you're not exactly my type."

"Too pretty for you, Maxwell?"

"Too smart," he winked. Relena huffed at him, then flopped backwards on to her bed. Staring up at the canopy, she sighed, then rolled, resting her chin in her hands.

"I think you are already seeing someone," Relena looked pointedly at his braid. Duo flushed, reaching for it and finding pieces of straw wedged in to the strands. He sat next to her, leaning back against the headboard, fingers toying with the band on his hair.

"It isn't like that. It's not-serious," he kept his voice quiet. Heero's rooms were next to Relena's rooms. But they didn't share a wall. There was no way for him to overhear this conversation, but Duo still whispered. He wasn't ready for Heero to hear this.

"Duo," Relena reached out, touching his knee. "Quatre told me. About-what happened. And I think...if your reaction to what they told you is any indication, I think it's fair to say you feel something for Heero."

"No. I can't," Duo looked away from her, swallowing. Her brows furrowed.

"Duo," she started.

"No. I can't, 'Lena. I do...he's my best friend. He is. But I can't..." Duo ran his hand over his bangs, ruffling them and then smoothing them back down. "I wish he hadn't kissed me."

"I think he did more than kiss you," Relena pursed her lips, a flicker of amusement passing over her face.

"It was before. In New York. I...we sort of fought and that's when I found out he had feelings...then he disappeared," Duo looked up to see Relena watching him intently. "I found him in a bar doing shots. He was drunk. Thought I hadn't said anything because I didn't feel anything."

"Did you? Do you?" Relena sat up, tilting her head.

"I don't know. He didn't give me a chance to think. Just-shouted that he was in love with me and disappeared. I cornered him at the bar and he kissed me and disappeared."

"He disappeared?"

"Yeah. Just walked out of the bar like he hasn't just had his tongue in my mouth. I went after him, but then I got a text from Quatre and had to go back to the penthouse."

"And then he came here," Relena had one strand of hair wrapped around her finger, expression intent. Duo nodded. Quatre's text had brought him home and Heero had texted from the airport, saying he'd accepted Relena's job offer. And then everyone was gone and they didn't talk about it. Quatre was shot and Duo listened to his family die while sitting in a dark closet, bound and helpless.

"We're just sleeping together because I...have terrible coping skills," Duo let out a harsh laugh, hand running over his braid. "It's better then going out and getting a stranger to do it."

"He loves you," Relena pointed out. "Do you really think he can keep this casual?" Duo didn't respond for a while. And then he shrugged, turning and resting his head on the dip of her back. Relena sighed, then reached back, shoving at him.

"Hey," he protested.

"Don't "hey" me. I'm turning over." Duo pulled back long enough for her to roll on to her back, then rested his head on her stomach. Relena ran her hands through his bangs, looking out the window at the dark starry sky. She knew Duo. She knew all of them. And Duo, she knew, would do anything to protect the people he loved. Even if it meant breaking their hearts-and his own.

She was startled out of her thoughts by Duo's mouth. He bit her stomach gently, then grinned. Relena mock frowned at him, then stuck out her tongue.

"Hilde's coming in to town. You remember Hilde, right?" Duo sat up.

"She is?" Relena brightened. Hilde had saved her life. They hadn't seen each other since the war, but Relena had fond memories of the spunky pilot, memories that were the only bright spot in a time of nightmares. Duo nodded, grinning wider. There was something teasing in his look that made Relena suspicious.

"Yep. I'll give her your number if you want," he offered. Relena nodded slowly. He was up to something. She knew better than to ask. Instead, she lunged at him, knocking him back against the bed and curling against his side.

"That sounds lovely. Now enough talking. It's time for cuddles," she sounded so serious, so matter of fact about it, that Duo laughed, hand running over her back.

"Yes, princess," he relented, closing his eyes with a smile.

* * *

Trowa lived in a high rise downtown, a big glass and metal building rising up out of the heart of Sanq. But he spent his free time in a small studio in a brick building near the harbor. So that's where Duo went the next morning, wearing skinny jeans and a sweater that hung off one shoulder. It made him look younger, despite his height, and more importantly it was warm, and comfortable.

He didn't knock. Just moseyed in, hands in his pockets, hair in a loose, messy braid down his back. Trowa was painting, shirtless, a blunt dangling from his lips as he worked. The radio was on, something Duo didn't recognize playing low. Trowa didn't even look up as Duo entered, crossing the room to sit heavily on the beat up couch under the window.

"You are lucky I am not armed," Trowa turned, finally, crossing his arms over his chest. Duo rolled his eyes.

"Like anyone else is gonna walk in to this dump," he replied.

"Hey! If you don't like it, you can leave," Trowa shot back. He crossed the room, sitting next to Duo and stretching his arm across the back of the couch.

"What, and deprive you of my company?" Duo grinned, leaning over to rest against Trowa's side. The acrobat rubbed his side, then offered him the blunt. Duo shook his head. He wasn't there to smoke. With a shrug, Trowa took his own hit. They say in the silence, Duo listening contentedly to Trowa's steady heart.

"So," Trowa said finally, setting the blunt in an ashtray.

"Heero and I are fucking," Duo blurted, then winced. It sounded too impersonal. To mechanical. Duo wet his lips. Trowa said nothing, picking his blunt back up for a long draw. He exhaled slowly, then sat it back down, arm still around Duo's shoulders.

"Okay," he said finally.

"Okay?"

"Okay. Heero's a big boy, brat. And so are you."

"Oh."

"Just-tell me this. Is it just fucking?"

"Yeah."

"Can you keep it that way?" Trowa's green eyes were intent, and Duo swallowed.

"I don't-"

"Do not play games with him. If it's just fucking, fine. But keep it just fucking. No cuddling. No emotions," Trowa slid his arm away, standing and stretching. It left Duo feeling cold and small, the sudden absence like a needle.

"If-if I can't?" Duo stood, looking up at Trowa.

"Then stop lying to yourself," Trowa wrapped his arms around Duo, tugging him against his chest and resting his cheek on top of his head. Duo was the perfect height, fitting just under Trowa's chin. He held on to Trowa tightly, face pressed against his shirt, then pulled back.

"I can't be what he needs," Duo licked his lips.

"Did he tell you what he needs?" Trowa ran his hand down the length of his braid.

"No," Duo admitted. They hadn't talked about it. Duo knew Heero thought he was in love with him. Was in love with him. But they'd never talked about-what they were doing. Not beyond Heero offering to be there, to be an anchor in a world of ghosts.

"Then don't say that. Trust that Heero can take care of himself," Trowa pulled away, picking up his brush and turning back to the canvas. "Now get out so I can finish this."

"Ass," Duo grinned, shaking his head. He walked over to lean briefly against Trowa's back, then made his way out of the studio. He had a lot to think about.

* * *

Wufei's apartment was empty. Duo slipped his shoes off at the front door and made his way through to the living room, thankful for the silence. He sat down in front of 'Bo's cage, opening the door and pulling her on to his lap. The rabbit huffed, then settled against him. With a warm rush of gratitude, he leaned in, rubbing his cheek against her fur. 'Bo was soft and warm and content to keep Duo's secrets, to let him lavish her with attention and avoid responsibility. He needed to call Une. To finish his report. Duo ran his hand down 'Bo's back, then stood and made his way to the computer.

It was a loaner. His had been destroyed on the mission. There had been nothing personal on it. Duo kept most of his important files stored in cloud space. It was the best way for him to insure it was never destroyed. His private laptop would be coming with his stuff, once Howie shipped it. Once Duo finally got a place. He'd been putting it off, not wanting to be alone. But he didn't trust himself with Wufei anymore, not after trying to kiss him. It was bad enough-Duo's heart clenched. It was bad enough he was using Heero. He wouldn't use Wufei, too.

Settling 'Bo on his lap, he tuned the computer on. The background was light blue. The icons were standard issue. Duo swallowed, then opened up a word document. He stared at the blank white space for several minutes, then took a deep breath. Settling his hands over the keys he began to type, starting with the first day, when he'd left New York behind for Sanq, determined to protect the people he cared about at any cost. Duo'd been prepared to die. He hadn't been prepared for Heero to die with him. Because of him. Even with the knowledge that Heero was alive, Duo's hands shook, the memory of that gunshot branded against his hollow heart.

It took him four hours. Four hours of reliving something he'd been trying so hard to forget, drowning himself in Heero and the taste of his skin. 'Bo slept on his lap as he typed, occasionally nuzzling his stomach through the thin fabric of his shirt. Duo heard Wufei come home and go to the kitchen, smelled chicken and rosemary fill the apartment. The commonplace smells and sounds of dinner being prepared. By the time he was finished, Wufei was curled on the couch with a book and Duo's food was cold. The moon was out, peeking from behind the clouds. The silence was numbing, and Duo stood up hurriedly, bracing 'Bo with his hands.

"Don't you listen to music?" he set 'Bo on the floor, heading for the kitchen. Wufei looked up from his book, glasses perched primly on his nose, lips a thin pursed line. He pointedly pulled an earbud out, one eyebrow raising as he watched Duo take a bite of chicken.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do," Wufei replied, with only the barest audible trace of sarcasm. It was Duo's favorite part of Wufei, the way he could speak perfectly polite and still make you feel like an idiot. Wufei's wit was something Duo had missed over the past years, and he grinned, shaking his head as he crossed the room.

"I wouldn't have minded if you'd turned it on, you know," he settled next to Wufei, eating hurriedly, aware of onyx eyes on him.

"It's not going to go anywhere, Duo," Wufei shut his book, holding it on his lap. Now that he was sitting next to him, Duo could hear the steady hum of Wufei's music. Something with a lot of bass and a lot less piano than he would've figured. Duo shrugged, setting an empty plate on the coffee table. He ate fast. It was habit, still, after too many years without a meal. Too many years fighting for what food he could find. Wufei watched him, then sighed. Standing, he took Duo's plate in to the kitchen, putting it in the sink.

"I could've done that," Duo frowned.

"I was getting up. Do you want some tea?"

"Not really," Duo grinned at him from the couch, leaning back to spread himself over the cushions. Wufei paused, looking him over, lips twitching. He was fighting a frown, Duo could see it in the wrinkle between his eyes. Shifting, he swung his feet off the upholstery, laughing softly as Wufei's face relaxed. Wufei made tea quickly and quietly, ignoring Duo's eyes on him. There was an easy, familiar feeling in the room, something that had Duo's eyelid drooping, a soft smile spreading over his face.

Wufei drank his tea leaning against the kitchen wall. Someone who didn't know Duo would've thought he was sleeping. Wufei knew better, could tell by the tenseness of Duo's shoulders, the slight twitch of his eyelid. But Duo seemed more relax that he'd been in a while, and that was good. Sighing, he finished his tea. Wufei made his way to his bedroom, pausing just outside his door.

"Will you be sleeping alone tonight?" he kept his voice neutral. Wufei did not like sharing his bed. Not with someone he wasn't more intimately connected with. But for Duo, well. Wufei made exceptions for Duo all the time. He didn't see any reason why he should stop now. Duo cracked an eye open, looking steadily at him, then shook his head.

"Very well. I'm here should you need me," Wufei slipped in to the room, shutting the door softly behind himself and leaving Duo on the couch, staring up at the ceiling and alone with his thoughts.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes:** Lots going on this chapter!

In general, this fic will be from Duo's perspective. But there will be times, like in this chapter, when I show the interaction of the other characters without Duo being there. The other relationships are important. The story is about all of them, even if it's shown from Duo's perspective.

**Warnings: **None, really.

* * *

"Maxwell. It's about time," Une leaned back in her chair, looking at Duo over the rim of her glasses. Duo shrugged, arms crossed over his chest. The Preventer's uniform was borrowed, Wufei's, and it was pressed and starched and scratchy against his skin. He'd out this meeting off for as long as possible. The official Preventer's headquarters were daunting, full of professionals and agents who knew Duo. They knew exactly who he was, and what he'd done, and he felt the weight of their stares like a coffin, settled on his shoulder.

"I had some things to do," Duo replied. Like find an apartment. He'd found one in Wufei's building, but hadn't moved yet. Howie was shipping his stuff and then he'd be able to move in, officially. It would be good to be close to someone, and Wufei was the only real option. Heero lived with Relena. Trowa and Quatre were sharing an apartment downtown, one of Trowa's better ones, and Duo didn't want to deal with their constant, infatuated looks. Couldn't. Duo let his arms drop, resting on his thighs as Une leaned in. She looked him over with narrowed eyes, hands folded tightly on the desk.

"Have you thought about my offer?" Her offer. A full time position, assessing risks and taking action as needed. Part of him chafed at the fact that they needed this job. That the other pilots and Relena needed a protective details. The war was over, and they had won, but there were still those wanting to see them all dead. Duo wouldn't let that happen.

"Yeah," he rubbed the back of his neck, then sighed heavily. "I'll do it. I get to pick the team, though."

"That is fair. I expect you will still do some field work. For more delicate cases," Une glasses glinted as she tilted her head. Duo nodded his assent, and she smiled. "Good. May I make a suggestion?"

"Knock yourself out."

"Zechs Merquise is back from Mars. He would make an excellent second-especially considering you will be protecting his sister."

"He can't wear the mask," Duo glared a little. He liked Zechs. The blond was good conversation, always had a sly comment or observation to add. But he was also arrogant, and cold. Une laughed.

"I'll pass that along, Maxwell. You have the week to set up the team. I would speak with Chang. He trains the recruits."

"Yeah, yeah. I know," Duo stood, waving her words away as opened the door, stepping out in to the quiet atrium of her office. Her secretary barely glanced up at him. Shoving his hands in to his pocket, he made his way to the elevator, feed padding silently on the polished tile. Stepping in, he sent himself to the fourth floor: training operations. Wufei oversaw the training of new recruits, the ones who'd been selected for special services. He turned out some of the best agents in the organization, and he got to know his troops well. Duo wouldn't be able to put a team together without his help.

* * *

Wufei was bent over his desk, brow furrowed. He frowned intensely at the paperwork in front of him, fingers massaging his temples as he read. Duo grinned and crept forward, muscles coiling as he prepared to spring. A few more steps and he'd be there, close enough to launch at Wufei over the didn't play enough. It was his biggest flaw. As his friend, and current roommate, it was Duo's duty to fix that. A nice tussle would do Wufei good. Grinning, Duo crouched, ready to-

"Don't even think about it, Maxwell," Wufei barely glanced up. Duo deflated, throwing himself in a chair across from Wufei's desk, lower lip jutting out. "Don't do that, either."

"Spoilsport."

"Some of us are working, Maxwell," Wufei replied, setting down his papers. His lips were set in a thin, prim line, one eyebrow raised. But his eyes were twinkling, black and just barely squinted. In the few weeks Duo'd been living with Wufei, he'd learned that the L5 native enjoyed their verbal sparring. With a snort, Duo rolled his eyes, kicking his feet up on Wufei's desk and leaning back in his chair, hands behind his head. Wufei's frown was a little more genuine this time. He ran disapproving eyes over Duo, then barked out a laugh as he reached Duo's face. The braided man was waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Wufei was used to Duo's flirting, by now. He snorted, letting it roll over him.

"You had your meeting with the Director?" Wufei leaned forward far enough to shove Duo's booted feet off his desk. They hit the floor heavily.

"Yeah. I'm gonna take the job," he held his breath. They hadn't really talked about the job. Not much. Not beyond Duo telling Wufei was it was. Across from him, Wufei was still and silent, face paling a little.

"I see."

"It'll be different. I'll be on the books. And I'll be leading the team, mostly. Not a lot of in the field stuff, you know? Unless it's tricky. And Zechs'll be on the team, too. It won't just be raw recruits," he spoke in a rush. Something in Wufei's face hardened, and he held up his hand, eyes narrowing.

"Zechs. Max-Duo. Zechs?" There was mistrust lacing his voice.

"He's not so bad, Fei. He's calmed down a lot. And he's devoted to Relena," Duo had his own theories about why. This wasn't the time to bring them up. Wufei sighed, fingertips returned to his temples. He flashed a look at Duo, shoulders set.

"I see. What about the rest of the team?"

"I was hoping you could help me out with that," Duo gave him a hopeful look. Wufei relaxed, then nodded decisively.

"Absolutely. Let me knowwhat you're looking for and I'll pick out the top 10 of this batch," Wufei rummaged aroun his desk, then drew a notepad out of the clutter. He passed it to Duo with a pen, eyeing him.

"Thanks, Fei."

"Don't mention it. When will you tell the others?"

"Uh…." Duo hadn't really planned on telling the others. He didn't want to make a big deal about it. He didn't want Heero or Quatre to make a big deal about it, either. Trowa would understand. But they wouldn't. Quatre would be concerned that it was too soon. And Heero would be hurt, and worried, and frenzied, later, between the sheets. Duo bit his lip.

"You can't put it off, Duo," Wufei reached across the desk, touching his shoulder, soft and serious. There was a warmth there that Duo had only begun to see recently. It pooled in his stomach. He nodded, wetting his lips. Standing abruptly, he tossed the notebook on to Wufei's desk. There was a checklist in rough, hurried writing on it, and Wufei scanned it as Duo made his way to the door. He flicked a glance at Duo's back, sighing silently to himself. "I mean it, Duo. Tell him."

Duo didn't respond.

* * *

Relena's head of security had an office on the first floor, with wide french windows and a door opening in to the gardens. It was one of the safest rooms in the palace, with bulletproof glass in the windows and a special lock on the door. Heero did his paperwork there, in the morning and in the evening. It was where he disciplined his staff, met with the security for visiting diplomats. When he wasn't at Relena's side, he was there, working diligently at protecting the woman he felt was the best hope for peace.

He sat with his back to the window, the sky behind him purple and blue with twilight, finishing the paperwork for the day. Heero looked up at the tap on the door, lips curving in to a slight smile. There was only a handful of people who would bother him while working, and Heero cared about all of them. The door opened just as he was setting his pen down, a blonde head poking in.

"Aren't you done?" Relena gave him an exasperated look, shutting the door with her foot. She held a tray in her arms, the smell of warm chocolate and pastry filling the room. Heero's stomach growled and he smiled wider, shaking his head.

"Not yet. Am I missing something?" He teased, moving papers out of the way to make way for the french silk pie Relena carried.

"You already missed it," she huffed, setting down the pie and deftly cutting a slice. "Dinner was two hours ago." Heero blinked, accepting the plate she handed him with a bewildered look. He frowned, eyes glancing at the clock on his desk. It was after eight. He swore under his breath, resting his plate on the desk and running a hand through his hair.

"Sorry, 'Lena. I lost track of time."

"Clearly," she sniffed, viciously stabbing her piece. She ate utterly without grace, relishing the crumbs that fell on her skirt, the mousse that clung to the corner of her mouth. Heero's lips twitched as he watched her. Shaking his head, he took his own first bite, closing his eyes as the smooth chocolate hit his tongue. Relena baked as often as she could, and Heero was glad to be the recipient of most of her treats. They ate in silence, Heero going back for a second slice at Relena's stern look.

"Did you come here to scold me?" he asked, crossing his fork over his plate.

"Of course not," she replied. Heero raised an eyebrow. "I came here to threaten you."

"Threaten me?"

"Yes. If you don't start remembering meals, I'll tell Duo," she gave him a stern, level look. Heero glared at her. Telling Duo was underhanded. He didn't miss meals on purpose. He simply got caught up in work, with reviewing the reports his staff turned in before their shifts were over. There were two, 12 hour shifts, with an extra hour added for the security personnel to write up reports. Heero expected details: what was seen, what was heard, what was done. And he got them. The teams each had 15 people on them, and he spent the better parts of his morning and evening reviewing them for mistakes.

"I don't-" She cut him off before he could start.

"I know you don't mean to do it, Heero. I don't want you working yourself in to the ground for me," Relena gave him a level, narrowed stare. Sighing, he nodded, then shot her a small smile across the desk.

"The pie was delicious."

"Of course it was," she grinned. "I made it." Heero laughed, standing and collecting their plates.

"You've been spending too much time with Duo," he teased, heading for the door. Relena grabbed the rest of the pie and followed, shooting him an all-too-familiar impish grin. He groaned, and she laughed.

"He has been around a lot...but I don't think it's because of me," she pointed out, following Heero to the kitchens. The Japanese man pinked, the back of his neck reddening. He cleared his throat, setting the plates in the sink. Relena set the pie on a glass pedestal on the counter, then covered it with the glass dome lid. Rubbing the back of his neck, Heero shot a glance at her, then at the door. He was nervou, shifting his weight from foot to foot, and Relena took pity on him.

"It's okay, Heero. I'm glad you found someone," she reached out, touching his cheek softly. She was glad, even if it hurt, still, that Heero didn't return her feelings. But Heero was her friend, and Duo was her friend, and she wanted them both to be happy. Heero jerked away from her touch, and she felt the wind knocked out of her by the movement. She bit her lip, trying ot pull away. Heeor's hand shot out, closing around her wrist and drawing her in.

"No-Lena. He's not mine," Heero said softly. Relena's tension melted like butter. She wrapped her arms around Heero's waist, cheek resting against his chest. The two pilots had an unconventional relationship, with Duo refusing to let it be anything. To let it be more than two bodies grounding each other. Heero came to her for comfort, when the weight of holding Duo without having him became too much. Relena ran her fingers through Heeor's hair.

"Let's go watch a movie," she suggested, stepping away and taking his hand. "You can put chocolate in the popcorn."

"Can I pick the movie?" he asked, hopeful and young. Relena laughed, squeezing his hand.

"Of course."

* * *

They were seated together on the couch in Relena's suite when Duo showed up, looking worn and tired. It was almost eleven, and Relena's head was resting firmly against Heero's shoulder, her eyes shut. She slept deeply, warm and soft against his side. Heero moved carefully, sliding out from under her and lowering her to the couch. Duo smiled a little, shaking his head.

"You two are cute," he whispered. Heero shot him a mock glare.

"I'm not cute," he insisted, struggling to keep his lips from curving, from breaking in to a smile only Duo could draw.

"Yeah, 'Ro. You are."

"Am not!"

"Heero Yuy, you are cute. And what's more, you're keeping me up. Go argue somewhere else," Relena cracked an eye open on the couch, giving him a stern look. Covering his mouth, Duo laughed, heading out of the room with a small wave to the Princess. She humphed, rolling away from him.

"She's grumpy," Duo said, voice louder in the hall. Heero shrugged.

"It's been a rough day. She had meetings with the representative from L2 today. He's absolutely corrupt," Heero lead Duo to his bedroom, fingers itching for the feeling of Duo's skin, the warm length of his hair. Duo snorted, keeping his comments to himself. When the door to Heero's room shut, Duo found himself backed against it, Heero's mouth hot and insistent against his own. Duo wanted to give in, to bury his hands in Heero's hair and let him erase the thoughts that crowded in his head. But he needed to talk to him, first. He put his hands on Heero's chest, gently guiding him away. Heero broke the kiss with whine, the needy noise of loss raising Duo's hair, covering him with goosebumps.

"I gotta talk to you, 'Ro," he murmured, sliding his hand over Heero's chest. He stroked the fabric of his shirt, looking down. Almost like he was avoiding looking at him. Duo was avoiding it. He looked at the floor, at their feet, at the wall over Heero's shoulder. Heero frowned, then stepped away. It was Monday. Duo was supposed to-oh.

"Is this about your meeting with Une?"

"Yeah."

"...you're taking it," Heero's fist balled, jaw clenching.

"Yeah."

"Goddammit, Duo," he hissed, shoving Duo up against the door, eyes flashing black in the darkness of his bedroom, body going rigid. Duo winced.

"Easy, soldier boy," Duo growled, reaching to grab Heero's wrist. He looked firmly in to the mask of Heero's face. "This is my decision."

"It is a dumb decision. We cannot protect you if-"

"I don't need you to protect me!" Duo shot out, shoving him back. The soldier glared, standing with his arms straight at his sides. Breathing heavily, Duo struggeled to get his temper under control. "I don't need you to protect me."

"We worry-"

"I know! I know you worry. Look. I can't sit back and do nothing. This is my family. I know you understand that," he gave the man across from him a pointed look. The soldier did know. He knew how important family was to Duo. It was important to him, as well. He took a deep breath, then exhaled, letting the tension seep from him.

"Be careful," Heero said stiffly. Duo cracked a smile, head tilting a little.

"'Course, baby. When am I anything but?"

"Baka," Heero sighed. There was no vemon in it. Especially not with Duo's arms wrapping around his neck, Duo's mouth hovering over his own.

"Your baka," Duo teased, tongue swiping over Heero's lower lip. Within him, the soldier growled. _His_. Heero returned the kiss eagerly, hands firm on Duo's waist. _His._


End file.
